My biggest worry, was this all worth it. Was the past however many months of waiting, longing for and hoping for something worth it? Its still so far away. I think it is, I feel like it is. But I don’t know, only time will tell. I just hope I didn’t waste the past year on a hopeless journey. This just means so much to me, Ive fought for it and Ive stuck by it. No matter what anyone has said, how matter how badly I wanted to give it all up.

Please tell me you will one day open your eyes and see all this. See all that I have done and will do for you. Fuck I just give every part of me to those I care so much about and Im tired of getting walked all over. For once, I just want it to all work out for me. 

I have no regrets, I never will. Its just hard to be let down yet again. That’s my biggest fear. I need more reassurance. Okay now Im just spelling out random thoughts. This post is done.